


Secrets of your wings

by Writelikethat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Series, Secrets, Slow Build, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-29 06:05:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6362536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writelikethat/pseuds/Writelikethat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel found himself falling and falling, unable to stop until he hit the hard and unfamiliar ground. His life changed forever from that moment on. It included being introduced to hunters that made his feelings confusing and distracting.<br/>Castiel still wanted to find a way back home, but what will happen to Dean if Castiel leaves him behind knowing they will never meet again?<br/>How can he choose between Dean and the family he once had such close bands to?<br/>*** I have unfortunately decided I will not be posting more on this story. Somehow during my down-time I lost some of what it was trying to say, so I can not promise anything more for this story. If I should find it in me again, I will be posting first thing, but for now you should not expect anything more. I debated taking the story away from my archive, but I'll let it stay at least for now. I'm sorry it came to this. ***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clouds

They weren’t allowed to do this but that was probably the reason they all had to challenge it. Their wings were strong and wide as they flew just clear of the clouds. It was beautiful down there, quiet and bright with the sunshine filtering through making the light shine in so many different colors. On a good day anyway.

The clouds beneath them were like that too. Thick, colorful and tempting. It was all a lie. Clouds may look fluffy and inviting, but they all knew it was just a cover. Flying through them could get you trapped. They were like a maelstrom luring you in, just to wrap around you and that was when you would get in trouble.

It was both the myth about clouds having a mind of their own and the fact that this was forbidden that made it so alluring to the young winged creatures.

Castiel felt the warm wind brush through his wings and he looked over to his brothers flying around him. All of them could feel the pull from the clouds like small strings of cold being thrown after them like lassoes. They were too far away from the clouds still, but it was only a matter of time until one of them would be challenged to make a dive.

The land around them were green and fresh, but here they were just off to the side of one of the gardens and the real world seemed so far away. Castiel’s brothers called it the Secret Garden. Once they found the correct door they would see the clouds. Tempting and terrifying all at the same time.

It was a game to them. Castiel knew everyone did it, his parents had when they were young and so had probably their parents too. As far as they were concerned nobody really knew why it was forbidden, because they had never witnessed it, but the story told about young angels diving into the clouds and nothing would ever be the same again. Sometimes they would show up in a totally different place unable to speak or only screaming. Other stories were about someone losing their wings and those were the worst. There was also a few that was about those who had made the dive and never been seen after that.

Castiel and his brothers were told all of these stories growing up. When they talked about the clouds looming beneath them just outside the garden, wanted to know about them, their parents always made sure they understood the danger.

Nothing could stop them though. It was exciting and a part of being young and reckless. They would fly just above the clouds, seeking out a spot that looked good and then dive down, let the clouds take you for just a second before you started moving your wings. Moments later you would be back up, settle into the formation the rest of your brothers made and then the next one would go for it.

Castiel watched Gabriel with his strong bronze-wings send a wink in his direction, he felt a tug in his stomach like he always did and watched as Gabriel tipped down and was swallowed by the clouds. Castiel always thought the clouds were laughing at them when one of them disappeared in there. Mocking them, teasing them about how they’d made a mistake.

Gabriel used to laugh at him, telling him to stop being so angsty, but there was a reason Castiel hadn’t been doing this much. It was exciting, yes, but it was absolutely terrifying. The kind of terrifying that most of his brothers liked because of the kick. The kind that Castiel didn’t appreciate.

Castiel stared down into the clouds, seeking out any signs of his brother. Gabriel the careless little clown who laughed at everything. He was nowhere to be seen of course and Castiel felt his heart skip a beat and he was about to start panicking when he heard a loud yelp and a familiar laughter just behind them and there he was. Gabriel was grinning from ear to ear, his clothes a bit more ragged, his hair an absolute mess and his wings needed serious grooming, but yeah, he was there, just as happy and annoying as ever. Castiel knew they were all breathing out simultaneously before they turned forward again.

This time Castiel was the one furthest down and he knew it was his turn. He had only done this a few times before, and he hadn’t liked it very much. Sure it was a rush, but it was no joke. It was terrifying and bad no matter what they told you, but he was expected to do it or he would hear about it for weeks. Months probably.

Castiel stared down into the clouds knowing it was waiting. Waiting for his move. The moment he was in there he would have to prove he was worth it to get out again in his right mind or whatever. Castiel knew his brothers didn’t really believe the stories, because nothing ever happened to them. All of them knew the danger, of course, but none of them believed it could turn your brain into mush or make you disappear. Because, disappear to where exactly? The clouds were always there, some days really thick and gray, almost black, other days so white and fluffy you’d want to head over to touch them. So how dangerous were they really? Sometimes when they dove into them they came up a totally different place, sure, but this area was familiar to them, so it didn’t count. If they, like now, dove into the clouds just outside the garden, and then show up far away from that garden it still didn’t mean you disappeared. It told them the clouds did have power of some sorts, but nobody believed it could do serious harm.

Beneath him Castiel could see an opening, a small shift where the clouds were a shade lighter, that’s where they should go in. He tilted down, felt the wind in his hair and through his wings and then there was nothing. Castiel pulled his wings closer to his body, as if he tried to protect himself. They covered his body, kept him warm inside the void of the gray silence.

Five seconds, that’s how long they had to stay or you would have to go again and Castiel didn’t want that. He always started counting the second his wings were inside and now three seconds in he started to rotate his body like a drill with his wings pushed slightly out to the side, giving Castiel a feeling of being wrapped in a cocoon, as he headed back up from the clouds. This was apparently the safest way to get out of the mass because in doing so the clouds would be forced to pull back and form around his body and wings long enough for him to get free.

A loud yelp of a happy laugh was heard the moment Castiel breached the clouds and was back into the living world. Gabriel made a loop in the air and high fived himself in joy as Castiel came back in line. All of his brothers were laughing at him and Castiel took a moment to calm his racing heart. The cold empty space down there was like a nightmare, and he couldn’t believe why he let his brothers talk him into doing it over and over again.

Castiel watched carefully as his brother’s dove into the clouds one at a time and before he knew it, his turn came around again. He sent a begging glance towards Lucifer who looked a bit sorry, but he had too much fun watching Castiel do this and would never give in. Gabriel had just gotten back up from his dive and was still in the high of adrenaline. Balthazar and Michael both looked a little uncertain, but encouraging at the same time, so Castiel eventually turned his attention back to the clouds.

He could do it, just this one last time and then he would just stop coming out there with his brothers. They could tease him if they wanted, he wasn’t going to do it again. No, he was going to put his wing up, enough was enough.

“Cassie, any day now.” Balthazar yelled at him and Castiel took a deep breath before he focused on the task at hand.

Alright, find a good spot, anywhere that’s lighter and not so impenetrable would do. Yes, right there. Castiel made a heavy flap with his big black wings and felt his body move forward with more intent. His heart was beating and as he let his upper body turn down he felt the rush of getting closer to the silence. Closer and closer, he could feel the clouds ready to swallow him up and he started counting.

 **Five**.

Castiel had his wings covering his body.

 **Four**.

The clouds were dark and quiet, but Castiel was sure he noticed something out of the corner of his eyes, a shadow or at least some darker spots.

 **Three**.

Castiel spread his wings just a little and felt the clouds resisting, but he pushed forward and started angling his body back up.

 **Two**.

The clouds were getting lighter, thinner and he knew he was going to see real, familiar brightness soon. He would be back with his brothers and he would be mad at them until morning and then he would stop coming here. For sure this time.

 **One**.

His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt something nudge against his wings, but he was just one second away from watching the clouds separate and let him back up. One second and he could take a breath, hear Gabriel laugh and get away from all of this.

And, he was out.

Gabriel’s laugh was nowhere to be heard, he could still breathe, but the smells were unfamiliar and so was the sounds. Everything was different, strange even and absolutely alien. Castiel looked desperately around and for a moment he felt a devastating horror burst through his entire being.

This was all wrong. Castiel was upside down somehow. Beneath him everything was green and blue and when he looked up the clouds where there. Above his head. He took a deep breath and panicked. His wings wrapped tightly around his body as he started to fall. Castiel barely noticed how he was falling faster and faster and instead of having the clouds under he stared up into them. Gray and closed. Keeping its secrets to itself, looking like he hadn’t even been near them and never giving away that Castiel’s entire family was living beyond them.

He hit the ground with a loud crack and he felt the entire ground shake. Castiel didn’t move, kept his wings wrapped tightly around himself hoping this was all a dream. A sick, sick joke played by Lucifer and in just a moment he would hear Gabriel’s laugh. It would be okay, this couldn’t be happening.

***

Castiel had no idea about how long he was there. He knew the sky had become dark, then it shifted into all kinds of colors before gradually becoming lighter and lighter. He was familiar with that except it was nothing like home. He was still seeing the clouds when he looked up and he was still lying on the smooth green grass. The grass was the only thing which was familiar like it was at home. Castiel had always loved the grass, it was bright, giving life to the surroundings. Castiel used to wonder when he was younger, how the world would look like, if the grass wasn’t green.

There was a rumbling, a foul smell and then he heard a metallic creaking sound and then the presence of a living being. Castiel’s entire body tensed, he could feel a heart beating, and sense real life coming towards him with the distinct sound of steps coming through the grass. He felt it in the movement beneath him as well but he didn’t look up.

“You alive?” A gruff voice grumbled above him and Castiel wanted to huff at that stupid question. Of course he was alive, couldn’t he sense it? He didn’t move though.

But maybe he should have. Something cold and hard poked at his shoulder and Castiel snapped up from his curled position, his wings spread wide and his eyes almost glowed. The man in front of him tightened his grip around his gun and pointed it at him, but Castiel was taller and almost certain he wouldn’t have any trouble winning a fight with him. He looked old and gruff with his beard and dirty hat.

“Easy now. I’m not going to hurt you.” The man said and Castiel couldn’t help but look down at his gun.

“Alright, tell you what. I’ll put this down and we’ll talk.” He continued and lowered his gun like promised.

Castiel stared at him for a long while and felt his wings relax slightly, but he didn’t lower them completely. The one in front of him didn’t have any wings. Castiel looked behind his back and there was no sign of wings anywhere and he tilted his head confused.

“Will you talk to me now?” The gruff voice snapped Castiel out of his staring and back to the actual man.

“Well, what’s up with those wings, then? What are you?” The man continued with an almost tired look. Castiel really didn’t understand this. He had never been spoken to by a man like this, tired, confused and even a little scared. Castiel couldn’t pick up any thoughts but could definitely sense the confusion and insecurity that this man tried to hide.

Talking wasn’t an option, at least not yet. Castiel had no idea where he was or what was going on so he wasn’t going to say a word.

“Alright, I’ll start. My name is Bobby.” The man looked expectantly over at Castiel like he waited for an answer, but eventually just shook his head and made an exasperated motion with his hands. His gun was still in that moving hand, and Castiel was very much aware of it, so in surprise he lounged forward with a growl.

“Whoa, calm down, nothing’s gonna happen if ya just keeps yer distance!” Bobby tried to sound soothing but Castiel was breathing heavily with his wings lifted high ready to attack. And he could FEEL the man’s heart racing uncontrollably.

Castiel was breathing hard through his nose taking a step closer to this figure without wings. One more step and Bobby raised the gun again and pulled the trigger. Castiel looked down on the holes through his clothes and then he lifted his glance to the man in front of him with a feral growl.

A string of curses and then them man were running towards his car. Castiel followed him easily and wasn’t really sure how it happened, but all of a sudden he was lying down with his wings tied. He tried batting them to get away, but the man had somehow gotten a hold of him and Castiel thought it could only have been due to the fact the he was in a really strange place. Maybe his powers were down.

 

Castiel didn’t move until the car stopped. Then the man led him into a house, down a set of stairs and Castiel wasn’t loosened from the ropes until after he was pushed into a dark constricted space.

He jumped when there was a click and the room suddenly flooded with light. Castiel didn’t have to look around much to know he wouldn’t be able to get out of there without someone actually opening the door. The room was warded with symbols that made it impossible for him to get out of there on his own and he had no idea how this man had gotten hold of these kind of symbols. How could he when he didn’t even know what Castiel was?

There was a bed on the far wall, a chair and a table. A large shelf covered half the room and it was filled with books and several other stuff that Castiel would have to check out later. He didn’t take the chance of moving around much so instead he sank down right there on the floor.

The man outside the room – Bobby, muttered to himself and asked if Castiel needed any food. Castiel didn’t even move and eventually Bobby shambled away.

Castiel wasn’t sure how long he sat there. He heard the man walk back and forth upstairs. He was clearly nervous, and he talked a lot. Castiel never saw or heard anyone else though.

“Yeah, John I’m tellin’ ya, he fell down from the sky, didn’t move at all until I got there. Helluva pair of wings on ‘im too.”

“No, hit ‘im in the chest. Nothin’.” Bobby sounded stressed and from time to time he would come down the stairs, glance through the door to look at Castiel, but he still hadn’t moved at all. And he still wasn't talking.

“Yeah, yeah. Just get over here.” Bobby said then there was a beep and it was quiet again. Castiel itched to move around to see what it was, where that sound came from, but he wasn’t going to move. Not yet. He had to try and feel if he could connect with his family again, and for that he needed quiet.

Castiel tilted his head back to look up into the roof. A fan was rotating slowly sending puffs of air down to where he sat. He sighed, wondering what his brothers were doing. Were they looking for him and wondering where he was? Were they afraid or did they still play in the clouds?

He shivered and pulled his wings closer to keep warm.

Castiel knew exactly when Bobby got company. He heard a loud car pull up outside the house, cheery chatter and three extra feet walking into the house. Two of the steps were heavy so one of them had to be Bobby, but there was two others that were lighter and shorter.

All of them headed straight for the stairs and Castiel moved in a flash from where he was standing by the door back to his regular spot in the middle of the room. He took deep breaths and willed his heart to calm down and when he heard someone run towards the door and only stop after they hit it with a loud bang he was back in his head and didn’t move.

“Hey, Bobby, I thought you said he had wings.” A young voice said.

More shuffling outside and then Bobby grumbled in his beard.

“I swear, this one had big black wings attached to his back.” Bobby told them.

Castiel didn’t move. After looking at some of the books he realized nobody around here had wings, so he did the only thing he felt was reasonable, he hid them from human eyes. They were still there, but the people around him wouldn’t be able to see them.

“What is he?” Someone whispered.

“He looks just like a boy. Sure you’re not mistaken about him, taken an innocent kid?” A voice almost as deep as Bobby’s spoke.

“I know what I saw, and this one ain’t so much a boy as he looks.”

“What’s his name?” A light voice suddenly asked and for a moment everything was quiet until Bobby huffed something under his breath.

“No, Sammy, you can’t go in there.” The deep voice suddenly said, sounding alarmed.

“But you said he was just like a boy. I’m a boy too, so I should talk to him.” The light voice reasoned. So that would be Sammy. Castiel kept listening to them. He had learned from his mother there was a lot to learn about somebody just by listening. He managed to separate them. Bobby he already knew, it was easy to understand that John had to be the other adult voice. Then there was Sammy, the young and careless one.

“Don’t be stupid, Sammy. You’re not strong enough. I can go talk to him.” The other young voice offered and Castiel imagined he was a little bit older than Sammy. They reminded him of his own brothers and the way they used to bicker and argue about the littlest things. Castiel wanted to smile.

“Dean, you’re not going anywhere. We are all heading up into the living room right now!” The dark voice insisted and with huffs of annoyance they eventually walked away leaving Castiel to himself there on the floor.


	2. Castiel. My name is Castiel

Just a few days later Bobby was alone in the house again. John had taken the two younger ones with him and left the house feeling cramped and too quiet. The old man must have felt it too because one evening the door to Castiel’s panic room opened and Bobby announced he wanted to talk. 

The man wanted to know a lot of things. What Castiel was and where he came from and he really wanted to know what had happened to his wings. He wanted to know his name and why he was there. A few times Castiel was about to say something. This man knew how to speak to someone that was lost and Castiel could sense that his motives wasn’t purely selfish. Bobby liked helping others even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

Through it all Castiel didn’t say a word. He watched the man, took in his kind eyes and gruff beard. He always wore a hat and he had a bit of a limp. Sometimes he would say little things about himself, and he always brought food. 

Castiel didn’t eat it though, and the man looked genuinely concerned about that. 

“Someone your age is supposed to eat all the time.”

Bobby gave up after some time. He showed Castiel around the house, gave him a room on the second floor and told him to make himself at home. 

Castiel never imagined anything like that happening, and once again he was at the verge of talking, but he didn’t know what he was going to say. Or what consequences it would have if he decided to talk.

 

Bobby continued with his regular routine and Castiel was around the house. He didn’t leave the house, at all, and Bobby didn’t ask. It seemed like the older man had a habit of talking to himself or the large dog walking around his yard. Now though, he sometimes, when he was frustrated, made one sided dialogues with Castiel. 

The house was filled with books. Most of them were uninteresting to Castiel, because he realized he knew about a lot of this stuff already, but from time to time he found something he liked. When that happened he would sit down in Bobby’s living room. This was like a really messy throne room where the man sat with all of his phones behind him and tall stacks of books scattered everywhere in more or less tidy stacks. Nobody spoke, except the occasional phone call or outburst from Bobby when he figured something out. The dog had made a habit of hanging around Castiel. He was often lying down with a huff next to his chair or if Castiel sat on the floor the dog placed his drooling jaw heavily in his lap. Castiel had learned to appreciate it since the dog was happy once it got a scratch behind his ear.

Sometimes Castiel was dying to know what Bobby was working on. Some of the books were about these creatures that Castiel already knew everything about. He had been taught when he grew up, that all around them were different creatures. He was taught how to handle these things, but most of them was harmless. Then again, Castiel realized after a few weeks in Bobby’s living room. Maybe that ‘harmless-thing’ only applied to his kind, and not the humans. 

Castiel also had the ability of knowing when somebody or something could be evil. To angels, demons were the biggest threat. Not because it was hard to kill them, but because they were able to do some damage due to their tendency to actually think strategic. 

Castiel never said anything. He never let the man know what he knew. Even if he was living there and Bobby actually was nice enough to him, it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try and kill him if he learned the truth, because Castiel eventually learned that’s what he did. He was a hunter. And hunters were a kind of species that Castiel didn’t have much knowledge on, but in his experience Bobby was the kind who shot first and asked questions later. So instead Castiel made an effort to not be in harms way, he tried to help out around the house, and it seemed like Bobby noticed and appreciated it. It was hard to know for sure, though, in between cursing and muttering about where his coffee had ended up or why the kitchen smelled ‘funny’ after Castiel tried to clean up.

***

Windows and doors were open in Bobby’s house and the old man was growling angrily where he was stationed directly in front of a squeaking fan. He cursed the weather and everything else in sight. Castiel was thrilled. Whatever chance he got he found a secure spot somewhere in the junk yard to sit down. Bobby never came outside unless he absolutely had to. Castiel would turn his back to the sun and spread his wings as far as they’d go and then he would just sit there to soak up the warmth and feel how it seeped into his entire being and made him feel close to whole again. 

Only a few days after the heat started Bobby announced that someone was going to come by. Castiel was confused because people came by all the time. There was people coming in with their cars, buying old parts and getting their cars fixed. Then there was these people coming inside that was bleeding from their face, jumping around on only one foot or needed to have a gash on their shoulder stitched. Castiel always made sure to be far away from their sight, but he knew everything that was going on. They were hunters who had been hurt during a hunt, sometimes they muttered about werewolves that had scratched them, or a ghost that had thrown them through a wall. Castiel could feel their anger and annoyance. A few were scared, but mostly they just wanted to get their job done.

All of them were grown men with hoarse voices who Bobby patched up, gave them a shot from his bottle of “the cheap stuff” as he called it and then he threw them back out. Sometimes Bobby would mutter about those ‘goddamn idjits who insisted on bringing their dumb asses on hunts they couldn’t handle’. Other times an even grumpier man than Bobby would come by and Bobby brought out his expensive bottle and Castiel knew this was safe, because the ones that was served the good stuff, they were Bobby’s friends. He still decided to stay out of the way, you could never be too sure about these people.

“It’s John and his boys. He’s going on a hunt and they’ll be staying here. You remember them, huh?” Bobby glanced in Castiel’s direction even if he knew there would be no answer. Castiel did remember. He remembered their arguing outside his door, the way they wanted to look at him, curious about him like he was a caged animal.

He also remembered a feeling of happiness. The youngest were the most careless one, who would laugh loud and free and ask a bunch of questions. That kind of happiness didn’t exist around the house at all and the only time Castiel had felt it was when those two boys had been there for two days. 

Bobby kept talking, making an effort to assure Castiel they were nice boys and that he shouldn’t be doing anything differently. 

“Those two will bring a bit of life to the house for sure.” And Castiel was glad that Bobby felt the same way he did. He almost wanted to smile to the man.

 

Castiel sat inside his room when the boys arrived. He had a bed there, a small desk and a chair. The floors were scattered with books he had brought up with him and he had found a couple of stones or pieces from cars that he liked and placed around the room. Bobby never commented on his room other than that he should change the books once in a while; bring them back to their shelf and then bring out new ones. And that’s what he did. He put them back exactly where he found them and even tidied some of the other rooms as well. 

A black car which rumbling Castiel recognized pulled up outside the house. Bobby stepped outside with an overeager dog, and the doors to the car flew open even before the car was completely stopped. One gangly thin boy in clothes too big jumped out and ran towards Bobby. He wrapped his arms enthusiastically around him for a hug to which Bobby smiled and patted his back. Castiel remembered that feeling when somebody showed affection. He remembered it, but knew it was long ago since he last felt the warmth of someone’s care. 

The other one who stepped outside was a bit older and not that enthusiastic. He simply grabbed a bag and threw it over his shoulder, kept his brooding face all the way up the stairs where Bobby patted his back before he disappeared inside. The youngest, Sammy if Castiel remembered correctly ran back to the car where he grabbed his bag, waved at the man inside before he were shooting inside the house. 

Bobby exchanged a few words with the man through the car-window and then it started rumbling again before it rolled out of there. 

Castiel sat back down on top of his bed with a book and deliberately kept his back to the door. He heard how they were running up the stairs and into one of the rooms next to his. 

“Dad could damn well have let me come with him. I’m twenty and he knows I’m totally capable to do it.”

“Come on, Dean. You know that’s not why. He just didn’t think he would be that long and you should have some time off with that injury to your ribs.”

“Not an injury, Sam.”

One of them snorted loudly as they walked past his door. 

***

Sam and Dean headed down into the kitchen where Bobby was making grilled cheese. 

“You boys hungry?”

Both of them grunted appreciative and sat down by the kitchen table. Dean was drinking coffee while Sam had already grabbed a book. He didn’t read it though. Instead he stared out the window looking relaxed and happy like a sixteen year old boy should do. 

“Hey, Bobby, what’s that?” Sam pointed at rocks and wood in different shapes that was lined up in the kitchen window. 

Bobby huffed and put their plates in front of them. 

“That’s something he made, you know the guy I had in the Panic Room.”

“He what?” Dean stared up at Bobby in surprise. 

“I just call him Jack, since I don’t know his name. He’s pretty good with those things.”

“You mean he’s still here?”

“Yeah, got the room upstairs next to yours.”

Sam and Dean stared at him for a long time until Bobby relented and told them about how he had let the guy come upstairs because he didn’t do anything wrong, and he felt sorry for him down there in the cold. Dean reminded him that the guy barely blinked when Bobby shot him and if he had thought about what could happen if he suddenly got angry or something.

“Yeah, well, you should go up there, get to know him. I don’t think he’s the angry kind of guy.”

“How do you know he’s even a guy?”

“Dean, just because we don’t know what he is doesn’t mean he’s all bad. Just… give the man a chance!” Bobby told them before he headed into the living room leaving them alone. 

“Can you believe the creature is still here?”

“Dunno, maybe we should talk to him.” Sam shrugged his shoulder and ignored his brother trying to convince him it was a bad idea. Dean knew what he said didn’t really matter as long as Bobby had given them the clear to talk to him. 

Dean sure as hell wasn’t going to engage in some kind of deep talk with the guy. He was going to head out into the junk yard and find something he could do, preferably throw punches at.

 

Sam barely lasted a day before he headed upstairs and cracked the door to Castiel’s room open. The guy inside was about Dean’s age, he was sitting on top of his desk turned towards the open window, but he was reading in a book he had propped up against his folded legs. Sam took it all in and wondered why he was sitting on the table, it looked strange, but he looked so comfortable it almost became natural.

“Uh, Hi.” Sam tried and noted how the guy didn’t even flinch. Sam thought he had been quiet, but the guy turned to face him eventually and Sam swallowed. Castiel looked young and normal except for his eyes that were so blue they actually popped out of his face. He had a very serious face and didn’t smile back even if Sam put up his most inviting and friendly smile with dimples and everything. There was something in his eyes that could tell he wasn’t as young as he seemed. Or at least he had been through so much he had gotten the kind of eyes that showed a much older wisdom. Sam was familiar with those, they were a part of his family.

“What are you reading?” Sam asked, determined to get some kind of reaction from this guy. Castiel kept staring for a long time before he slowly lifted his book and showed it to Sam. 

“You’re reading ‘Of mice and men’? What do you think about it?” Sam came a little further into the room and Castiel watched him intently but didn’t move a muscle. 

He didn’t answer but put the book back on his legs and stared down at it for a while before he met Sam’s eyes again. 

“I know, it’s a little different. I like it though. Kind of felt like that big dude, stomping around trying to do good, but messing up all the time.” Sam huffed. “You ever feel like that?” He asked but Castiel turned his eyes back down. 

“You know Bobby keeps calling you Jack?” Sam asked. He had his hands on his back so he wouldn’t touch anything, but the room was littered with so many different figures like the ones he had seen downstairs. Sam waited while Castiel decided whether to look at him or not. He turned his face towards Sam and tilted his head with his eyebrows raised just a little. It made him look younger.

Sam was thrilled to get some kind of reaction from him and chuckled. 

“Guess it could have been worse. He likes his Jack you know. You could have been named after some cheap beer or something.” Sam was sure he saw a hint of a smile in Castiel’s eyes, but he couldn’t be absolutely sure. He turned away from Sam after that and didn’t move at all so eventually Sam left him alone. 

Sam continued this the following days. He came into his room and talked about this and that. Slowly he started staying there with him. Sam would lie on the bed that didn’t look like it was being used at all or he would sit on the floor with his back against the bedframe. Sam read his own books while Castiel flipped through the books from Bobby’s library. Whenever Sam and Dean had a fight he came into Castiel’s room, the place was quiet and nice and sometimes Castiel would even sit down with his face turned toward Sam instead of away from him. Like was waiting for him to talk.

After leaving some of his books there Sam caught Castiel reading them too but he still didn’t say anything. He would put his book down and was clearly listening when Sam talked. Sam could talk about his brother. Bragged about how brave and strong he was, told Castiel that his brother was his best friend, but that they were fighting because their father had left them there and Dean didn’t agree.

Castiel’s question must have been clear in his face because Sam took a deep breath and continued talking like he was answering that question. Told him how Dean thought he was old enough to go on hunts and was tired of hanging around with Sam all the time. Sam looked a little sad at that thought.

Sometimes Castiel would look out the window and watch the man they were talking about. Dean was constantly working on some of the cars out there. He would lie down and roll underneath them and when he came back from under the car his shirt was stained with grease and sweat. Sometimes he would pull that shirt over his head and Castiel found himself looking forward to the possibility of getting a view of his tanned skin glistening with sweat. 

Castiel never walked out there when Dean was working. He kept his distance because he could hear his muttering loud and clear. Dean didn’t want anything to do with Castiel so he was staying out of his way. It didn’t mean he couldn’t sit in his window looking at the guy when he got a chance. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was definitely something about him and Castiel wished he could talk to the man. He wasn’t used to being that unwanted. Sure, his brothers often made it clear he was a bit boring and needed to have more fun, but they still liked him, and wanted Castiel around for the most part.

Sam was a sweet boy and he came into his room every day. Some days he was really chatty, and he was always asking why Castiel didn’t talk and why he didn’t come downstairs. Other times Sam just sat there with his book, reading. And sometimes he was writing or drawing; Castiel wasn’t sure, and he didn’t move from his place to find out what it was. 

One afternoon when Sam came quietly into his room Castiel was lying stretched out on his bed and Sam stopped short in the door, ready to go back out. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

Castiel sat up in the bed shaking his head slightly, he had finally started to communicate a little with Sam. It was almost impossible to stand up against that persistence and enthusiasm. Castiel made room for Sam to sit down and after a moment of hesitating he came over. For a long time he sat there staring down at his hands without saying anything. When he finally looked up Castiel gave him an encouraging little nod. Sam took a deep breath. 

“You know, I don’t really know your name. I can’t keep calling you Jack. ‘s just not right.” Sam said. Castiel wanted to smile. He would bring it up from time to time and he admired his persistence. Sam’s eyes were a little extra sad this morning and he kept staring at him longer than usual. 

“Castiel. My name is Castiel.” He told him softly and Sam’s eyebrows shot up and his lips parted in a surprised gasp. 

“What I … How… I mean… Castiel. Wow. That’s… um… that’s a nice name.” Sam went from surprised to a little shy as he sat up further into the bed and faced him. 

“Thank you.” Castiel answered and watched as Sam struggled to decide where he should go from there. He obviously had a lot of questions, but he had become so accustomed to the one sided talks that this was totally new territory.

“Um… I… do you like it here?” He landed on and Castiel nodded even if his smile was a little sad. He didn’t say anything about that, and neither did Sam. Somehow Sam refrained from his usual curiosity and didn't ask all of the questions that had to be running around his head.

“What is bothering you today?” Castiel had let the silence settle but after a while he decided he should maybe try and engage in a conversation himself. It felt nice now that he finally had started talking to the boy, and Sam was clearly upset about something. 

“It’s nothing.” Sam muttered and looked away. He started plucking on a thread and huffed out a breath a few times. 

“Dean wanted me to… It’s just stupid.” Sam’s cheeks colored a little and he avoided Castiel’s eyes. He sat there patiently waiting, not even moving a muscle. 

“There’s a lake just a few minutes run out of here and Dean wanted me to come with him because he think I should hang out with some of the girls there.” He stuttered a little and swallowed hard before he glanced up at Castiel through his lashes. 

Castiel smiled to him and for a moment Sam got offended thinking he was laughing at him too. 

“I’m not the right one to ask about this.” He eventually said. 

“Why not?”

“Because I’m just like you. My brothers… uh, they always tried getting me to come with them as well to look at their female friends.” Castiel told him and didn’t notice how Sam narrowed his brows at his use of the word ‘female.’

“You have brothers?”

“Yes.”

Sam sighed and everything just poured out of him then. How he wanted to go, but didn’t want to be stuck in the shadow of his brother who never had any trouble talking to them at all. There was even this one girl that Sam was hoping to talk to, but if he managed to say hello to her he was afraid he might say something stupid and ruin it all. 

“Did someone tell you that you think too hard?” Castiel asked and Sam laughed. 

“Yeah, all the time.”

By dinner-time Sam insisted they had to go downstairs and get something to eat. Castiel wasn’t willing, but eventually he followed him down into the kitchen. Dean and Bobby was already there and Sam cleared his voice. 

“Guys. This is Castiel.” He said and motioned to the wide eyed man standing awkwardly next to him. Bobby grunted something about it ‘being about damn time’ but Dean was completely still as he stared at him. His eyes narrow as he took in everything from his socked feet, his worn jeans and t-shirt that Bobby had thrown at him one day, and up to his messy hair. 

“Castiel, this is my brother Dean.” Sam introduced and Castiel nodded stiffly before he let himself being led to a chair next to Bobby. 

Dean was glaring at his brother but Sam sat down unaffected by it and offered Castiel a bowl of the soup they were eating. Castiel watched it intently for a long time and he heard the scowl from Dean when Castiel sat back in his chair obviously not intending to eat it. 

“Ungrateful bastard.”


	3. Castiel's wings

Dean didn’t like Castiel and he wasn’t afraid to show that any chance he got. Now that Castiel started coming down into the living room a bit more they would be in each other’s line of sight. Sometimes Dean would be in the living room with one of Bobby’s dusty books and whenever Castiel said something to Sam about whatever they talked about Dean rolled his eyes or he made a comment just to prove that he didn’t agree or thought it was a stupid thing to say. He was aware that he acted childish, but he didn’t understand the guy and was convinced it would be better to keep his distance than to be lured into some kind of trap. 

Sam and Dean fought more and eventually Castiel decided to withdraw. He knew when he wasn’t wanted. After an especially bad fight where Dean had left in one of the cars and not shown up until the next morning and Castiel heard Sam cry in the room next to his that night, Castiel didn’t go out of his room much and started thinking that maybe his time in this house was up.

Just a few days after Castiel had gotten a room in Bobby’s house he had learned where he really was. Or his suspicions were confirmed. He had heard about this place a lot growing up but it was only the ones that pursued a career in gardening that were ever able to get a glimpse into what this earth looked like. Apart from that there was stories about the people living on earth and how they were to be treasured and taken care of. Castiel never really understood how they were supposed to take care of them when nobody would actually visit the place, but he figured there was things he didn’t know about. Now that he knew where this place was and what he had been going through to get there he understood a little better. 

Castiel was sure some angels had jobs where they took care of the humans, and that there was places to get back and forth between their worlds, so maybe he should try and find such a place so he could get home. 

 

Castiel didn’t go anywhere though. First of all he had no idea where this place was or if this earth was a big place. Sure he was able to move around faster than with one of the cars they seemed to use around here, but even back home he had never been considered one of the brave ones and this was a totally new and foreign place.

Instead he kept to himself. Sometimes Sam came by and they talked for a bit, but other than that he was alone for the most part and he was starting to get bored. Besides his wings needed to be stretched and groomed. Having more people around made it difficult to find the right lighting and the right spot to do so.

Thankfully the weather was still bright and hot and one afternoon when Bobby had pushed the boys into a car and drove away Castiel made his way outside and to his secure spot in the junk yard. He pulled the shirt over his head to feel the rays hit his body and he ruffled his wings as he stretched them up towards the heat.

Every angel needed to stretch and keep their wings clean and soft and even if it was quite the work to keep them that way, all of them loved to get their wings groomed. Here on this place where Castiel didn’t have much else to do he could take all the time he needed and that’s why he for a long time just sat there soaking up the warmth. 

Castiel let his fingers run through his black feathers over and over. He focused on the longest ones since they got dirty a lot faster than the small ones underneath. As he worked his wings he enjoyed the way they got cleaner and began shining in the sun. The black glimmered with blue in the sunshine.

In his time with Bobby he hadn’t taken the chance of doing this much because he had seen the man’s reaction to his wings, and he didn’t want that to happen again. Castiel always enjoyed the sun, and his wings needed it in order to shine the brightest. At home there was even someone that worked with this, grooming the angel’s wings. Castiel didn’t like the thought of anyone else touching his wings so he took his time to work on it. When he had finally gotten his wings all soft and comfortable he breathed out long and stretched them up into the sky.

The world around him was steaming hot and Castiel listened to water running past the house and the birds singing from the treetops. Bobby’s dog had followed him out there and had found a shadow nearby to lie down in while he was keeping an eye on Castiel. 

***

Dean had been mad at his dad since they were dropped off at Bobby’s because he really wasn’t a kid anymore. Eventually though, he realized that it didn’t hurt to actually be stationed for a while. It was summer after all and Dean did like it there with Bobby. Sam seemed to like it too, and when Sam was happy Dean couldn’t help but feel a little happy as well.

Things were different now. This new guy had showed up out of nowhere. Nobody knew what he was and Dean wasn’t thrilled about all the time he spent with his brother. A part of his mind told him that if he was so concerned with this guy he should try talking to the guy. Only Dean had no idea what to say. How do you go about introducing yourself to someone you’ve been avoiding for the past three weeks? 

Dean had no idea, so instead he kept his distance and refused to admit that the guy was interesting with the way he dressed in old shaggy clothes and his hair an absolute mess. Castiel, Sam called him, was quiet, walked silently around the house, and wherever he went there was almost no trace of him. Except for the small figurines he left standing in the windowsill or the stairways.

Bobby was tired of his moping around, because he thought Dean should make an effort to be nice instead of hiding outside with the cars. Dean knew the reason he made them go to the market was so he could talk to them without Castiel around. Bobby was sure the guy had super-hearing or something. 

Like predicted after walking around the market for a while Bobby found them a table, bought greasy burgers and demanded they sat together eating. 

“I talked to your dad yesterday.” Bobby started. Sam snorted while Dean felt an angry tug in his chest since he hadn’t talked to him. 

“He said he thought it would only be a couple of weeks now. He and pastor Jim stepped into something bigger this time.” 

“Is he alright?” Dean couldn’t help asking. 

“He’s doing fine, Dean.” Bobby said a little softer than his usual snark. 

Sam concentrated on his food and pretended he wasn’t interested in the conversation. Bobby let it go after that and for a while they all sat there under the sun eating their food. The marked around them was filled with peoples chatter. There was music playing in the background and the place seemed to be a place that brought all kinds of people together. 

“Boys, I wanted to talk to you about Castiel.” Bobby said and Sam finally looked up with interest in his face. Dean tried to keep his face in serious and bored folds. 

“What about him?” Sam asked. 

“He’s about Dean’s age, I assume and I thought maybe you two should take him out somewhere. Go get ice cream or something. We should find out what he is.” Bobby talked quietly. 

Dean sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to babysit, and it seemed like Sam did a good enough job at getting through to the guy. 

“The only thing we know is that his name is Castiel and that he has large wings.” Bobby sighed and scratched his head with his caps. 

“We don’t know about the wings.” Dean interrupted and gained a firm stare from Bobby. Bobby didn’t like being questioned, but in this case Dean wouldn’t give in. First of all nobody had ever seen a creature with wings in real life, and second, Bobby said he saw his wings, but it could have been an illusion or the wind or that he was distracted because Castiel hadn’t even flinched at the bullet. 

“Then you two should try and find out that kind of thing, since you don’t believe me. And maybe he just feel lonely or something. He’s been stuck here with me for weeks. You two are my best shot.” Bobby finished. 

“And what is he’s dangerous? You’re just letting Sammy hang out with this guy, but you have no idea what he’s up to!” Dean said. Sam looked unimpressed but if it was one thing Dean was sure about, it was that getting his brother into danger was not an option. 

“He’s been living with me for weeks and nothing’s happened. He reads his books and keeps to himself.” Bobby told Dean with an annoyed huff. 

“So? What if he’s planning something? What are you going to do then when nothing can kill him?”

“I managed to capture him once, I’m sure I’ll be able to do it again. But I don’t think it will be necessary.” Bobby insisted. 

Sam huffed. “Dean, come on. You haven’t even talked to him. He’s really nice. Sits on top of the desk in front of the window, reading.” Sam shrugged his shoulder as to say it was proof enough that he was harmless. 

“On top of the desk?” Dean lifted his eyebrows high.

“Guess he likes the sun.” Sam said and concentrated on his soda. Dean shook his head a little. 

Dean had only barely seen the guy around the house. He had been down to dinner a few times, but he didn’t eat. In Dean’s book that was just wrong. What kind of creature said ‘no’ to food? Growing up had taught Dean you couldn’t be picky about what you ate. When there was food, you ate, because who knew when the next time you’d be able to find enough food to feed them all? Seeing this guy just shake his head or stare at the food like he didn’t know what to do with it made Dean mad enough he needed to stay far away from him a long time. 

Other times he could see the guy standing in Bobby’s living room staring at the book shelf. His long fingers would run over the backs of the books. Sometimes Rumsfeld would follow the guy around and Castiel would scratch his head almost absently, like he was used to him being there, and actually liked it. As far as Dean was concerned Castiel didn’t seem like a very bad guy. He considered himself much more badass than that slender guy with wide blue eyes. Still, there was something about him. The guy didn’t have a drop of self- consciousness. He walked around confident enough, just quiet and not noisy like Dean tended to be. He rarely smiled, and he definitely wasn’t bothered whether the few people around him liked him or not. And Dean couldn’t explain it, but it was annoying the way he walked around with jeans that Dean was almost a hundred percent sure had to be a pair he had forgotten the last time he had been at Bobby’s. 

Dean let a hand run through his hair and noticed that Bobby was staring at him. 

“Dean?” Bobby asked. 

Shit, he must have asked him something. 

“What?”

Bobby huffed. “I said, can I count on you making an effort to figure out what’s going on with this guy?”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean agreed, feeling stupid for zoning out like that while thinking about Castiel. 

“There’s not much to go on I’m afraid. We know he can’t get shot, that his name is Castiel and that he has wings.” Bobby summed up. 

“Yeah, still not convinced on the last part.”

“And we knows he’s got brothers.” Sam added. 

“Huh?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah, he told me.” Sam nodded but wouldn’t meet Dean’s eyes. 

“What? When did you two exchange family history?” Dean asked. 

“We didn’t Dean. He doesn’t know much about us. He knew we were fighting though, so I told him about the lake.” Sam blushed but stared his brother dead in the eye. 

“I can’t believe you went and blabbered to this guy.” Dean huffed and Sam took a deep breath, without doubt getting ready to yell at him. 

“Boys, simmer down. We don’t need this now. I know you’re sick of being stuck with me, but as long as you are you two really need to figure things out. And your task at hand is about Castiel.” Bobby said. 

 

Dean was still annoyed when they came back to the house. Sam had been sitting in the backseat practically vibrating with anger and the two men up front left him to it. 

Dean sighed. Getting on the wrong side of Sam’s mood was always a bad idea. It always made things difficult and Dean had to try and make it better somehow. Well, he wasn’t going to at the moment. He needed some space, so he walked into the junk yard while Sam headed inside probably looking for the strange guy who liked sitting on top of the desk. 

Dean shook his jacked and tossed it over the open window of a truck. He leaned in to turn on the radio when he noticed something moving in the back of the yard. It could be the damn dog, he usually came running when they pulled up with the car, but this time he was nowhere to be seen. Dean didn’t know what to make of what he saw so instead he walked closer to it. 

Dean stopped in his track when he came around one of the cars and into a cleared spot. Castiel was sitting on the hood of one of the cars. He had his naked back turned toward Dean, naked that is, apart from long, gleaming black wings attached just where his shoulder blades was. Stretching up into the sky. 

Castiel was sitting completely still, his head tipped back just slightly and his hands resting in his lap. His wings was the only thing that seemed to be kept taut where Dean was sure he could actually see how they were soaking up the sun. 

There was no color to them apart from how they were shining in the sun. Black like the feathers on a raven, and they looked so strong and tight, stretched up with a slight arch inwards at the top. Dean had an urge to touch them, but at the same time terrified of what he might feel. 

Rumsfeld looked up from under one of the cars and barked in his direction. It was enough for Castiel to be up on his feet, his wings held up straight in what looked like a defensive way. Dean lifted his arms disarmingly. 

“Woah, there. I’m not going to do anything.” Dean said as calm as he could. His heart was beating so hard in his chest, Dean was afraid it might leave bruises. On top of that Dean wasn’t sure whether it was beating because Castiel suddenly looked a whole lot scarier than usual, or that he was hot as fuck. A strong chest with tanned skin, stomach that almost had abs and jeans so low on his hips Dean had trouble taking his eyes away from those sharp hipbones. What the fuck was wrong with him? Suddenly unable to stop staring at a guy like that!

Castiel was breathing hard and obviously still in fight mode. Dean lowered his hands and took one step back. 

“Can we talk… like… without… uh. Without attacking?” Dean asked and cursed the way his voice shook. 

The dark haired man narrowed his brows and slowly lowered his wings slightly. They were graceful in a way so unfamiliar to Dean, yet so tempting. 

Castiel stared at him obviously waiting for Dean to start, but now that the guy was angling all his attention towards him it felt impossible to say anything. His blue eyes were distracting and behind them Dean was sure he would find real power. Somehow it made him feel a little guilty the way he had thought this guy was weak. He was just strong in a different way than the hunters Dean was used to. 

“How… I mean… I’ve never seen wings like that before.” Dean settled on and couldn’t believe he was acting so stupid. 

Cas didn’t say anything, because why should he. It wasn’t a question, just an observation. 

“What are you doing out here?” He tried instead. 

Castiel tilted his head and Dean watched intently at his interesting face. You didn’t call a guy’s face pretty, so he’d have to go with interesting then, Dean decided.

This time when Castiel didn’t say anything Dean waited. He stared back at him and was set on the fact that he wouldn’t let him get away with this. Castiel knew how to speak, he’d already admitted that by talking to Sam, so there was no reason he shouldn’t be answering Dean’s question. 

“Come on now, Castiel. What’s going on here? Why did you all of a sudden decide to show off your wings?” Dean pushed. 

Dean didn’t like the look he got for that. Castiel watched him like he didn’t care about him. Like he was an annoyance. Dean had enough of that though his day to day life. This guy was his age for fucks sake!

“Whatever. You can sit out here puffing your wings. I don’t care.” Dean was about to turn around when Castiel jumped off the car. Usually Dean was taller than Castiel, but now with his wings high he felt small in comparison. Dean swallowed. 

“You are a very rude and impatient man, Dean.” Cas said with a low gravelly voice Dean hadn’t heard before. He wanted to get mad, but realized his own anger would probably look like a tantrum next to this creature. 

“I can’t help it. You’re the one falling down into Bobby’s lap.”

Castiel looked confused for a moment. 

“I did not fall into anybody’s lap.” He answered seriously and Dean sighed. 

“Well, you’re here. We don’t know anything about you. Of course I’m gonna ask questions when I find you out here with black wings pointing at the sky.” Dean told him, intent on standing his ground. 

“What is it you want to know?” Castiel asked after a while. Dean realized the guy had picked up his shirt, but hadn’t put it on yet. How he managed to get that shirt over his wings was beyond Dean. 

The question was simple enough, but Dean couldn’t help but staying alert. He didn’t know this man and most likely there was a catch to whatever his answer was. 

“What do you think I’d like to know?” Dean hissed at him. Castiel didn’t seem affected by his temper and pursed his lips. 

“You want to know about my wings?” Castiel asked. 

Dean pulled a hand through his hair. The sun was frying his back and he felt the back of his shirt starting to get damp from his sweat. 

“Yes, your wings, you. Why you’re here, where you came from, what you are! Everything, Castiel!” Dean told him loudly. Castiel nodded slowly and let his eyes wander around them. 

“Do you like working in this place?” He asked eventually and Dean narrowed his brows at that. 

“Why do you ask that?” Dean watched as Castiel’s serious face go from hard and strong to something just a little softer. He didn’t smile, but there was something in his face that gave away a bit of humor and Dean realized he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been staring so intently at the guys face.

“That is my point. You ask me something and expect me to tell you everything, yet you don’t want to tell me anything in return. Where I come from people have to earn your trust and respect. Until then we will not be able to share our lives.” Castiel told him. When Dean managed to come down from his surprise he was already standing alone in the yard feeling uneasy for having acted wrong toward the other guy and quite a bit ashamed at being lectured by someone his own age.


	4. Ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas leaves the house for the first time lead by Sam and Dean.

Castiel sat inside his room with a book in his lap. He wasn’t reading. Instead he looked down into the scrap yard at Dean who was partly hidden under the hood of a car. Music was playing loudly and sometimes Castiel could see Dean tapping the rhythm with a screwdriver against his thigh at the same time as his head bobbed up and down. 

Last night when Dean had surprised Castiel outside he barely managed to keep it together. He wasn’t sure what he had expected, but Dean wasn’t freaking out. He had been rude like Castiel had told him, but from what Castiel understood about the guy, he was like that to everyone. Castiel wasn’t going to talk to him just like that. Why he was there and what he was had to be his own business. 

If living in the same house as a hunter had taught Castiel anything it was that they always shot first and asked questions later. Castiel was, as they liked to say, ‘some creature’. And he knew what those hunters did to those creatures. Not like they said it to his face, but if meeting Bobby for the first time hadn’t been educational enough, then the hunters coming and going with scars and loud cursing would give him the needed lecture. 

So Castiel decided that since Bobby already knew he was a creature, but one that he wasn’t able to kill, then the best thing would be to keep it that way. If he learned what kind of creature Castiel was, he would be able to find a way to kill him, which would be bad to say the least. 

It felt strange living with a man he knew was practically living off of killing everything and anything that didn’t actually belong in this world. Still, Castiel had grown into liking the gruff man with multiple surprising talents, like cooking and taking care of hormonal kids for one thing. 

After his meeting with Dean, Castiel felt something change in the house. He didn’t understand it, but whenever he decided to come downstairs and Dean was there, he didn’t feel the same kind of resent as before. There wasn’t warm and likable feelings like the ones coming from Sam, but Dean was leaning towards acceptance. 

Dean clearly still had lots of questions, but most of all he seemed distracted by the thought of his wings. They were nowhere to be seen at the moment, but Dean knew how they looked and he still needed to process it all.   
One afternoon when the sun was on its brightest Bobby was sitting in front of the only fan in the living room grumbling over some mess a guy had gotten himself into. Sam and Dean seemed to know when it was time for them to step back, and Castiel was already on his way toward the stairs when Sam called his name. 

“Hey, Castiel. Dean and I are going to get some ice cream. You want to come?” Sam looked at him with his big puppy eyes and Castiel swallowed. That meant leaving the house, right? He dared a glance at Dean, but he was busy digging through the pockets of the jackets for a key. 

“We could really use it to chill down a little and Bobby here need some space.” Sam argued and it was hard saying no to that eagerness. Castiel thought about his safe room with the books and his view from the window, but when Sam even tilted his head a little to look convincing Castiel sighed. 

“Yes, I will come with you.” He said. 

Dean walked out ahead of them, but Castiel was sure he’d seen a smile tugging at his lips. 

 

Castiel sat in the backseat while Dean and Sam was arguing over the radio. Castiel had heard that happen before in the kitchen and again in their bedroom. He wasn’t sure why they always had to argue over little things like that, but then again, he used to have brothers too and the smallest things managed to tip you off against them sometimes. 

As the landscape moved outside the car Castiel remembered the day he had crashed on this place. He didn’t recognize the place he had landed, but there was green grass and trees along the road. Behind them were miles of farmland and far, far away he could see mountains rising to the sky. He wondered if he could find a way home from the top of one of those mountains. 

Bobby’s house wasn’t alone even if it felt like it sometimes, but the one closest to his home was still a few minute walk away. When they came closer to a small town the houses stood closer and closer and Castiel felt his heart started beating a little unsure. He knew there was no real reason to be afraid, he could beat any of these people with just a blink of his eyes, but still, all of this was new to him. 

Sam was out of the car the moment they stopped but Castiel sat quietly looking out the side window. People walked by, talking and laughing. Kids were running around and it was just so much more noise than Castiel was used to. Even back home where the families were big and all of the kids were playing like this, things had been quieter. Or maybe it was just because of the unfamiliarity to it all. 

“You alright?” Dean asked suddenly and Castiel’s eyes snapped forward and met Dean’s green eyes. 

“Yes, I will be fine.” Castiel said and opened the door. Sam had already found a place he wanted to buy his ice cream and came back to ask what took them so long. As they got closer to the booth that Sam had picked Dean started teasing his brother. 

“I see what you’re doing. She’s that girl from the lake.” Dean chuckled and Sam blushed to his ears. Castiel felt a little bad for him but decided to stay out of it and dared a glance at the girl inside the booth instead. She was petite with a blonde long braid. Her smile was friendly and her laugh low and a little shy as she chatted easily with her customers. Behind her stood an older woman, probably her mother, making the ordered ice cream. 

Dean gave Sam a little encouraging push when it was their turn. The girl grinned at him. 

“Hey, Sam!” She said brightly and Sam blushed again, but he managed to straighten his ever-growing back and give her one of his blinding smiles. She even blushed a little too.

“Hi, Caroline.” He said. 

“What can I get you?” She asked and while Sam told her what he wanted Dean watched with a proud glint in his eyes. Castiel wondered why he spent so much time teasing his brother when all he really wanted was for him to do well. 

Dean picked his three scoops of ice and looked expectantly at Castiel. He was curious about this thing that everyone seemed to eat, so he said to the girl that he wanted one white scoop and one green. Dean paid her for their two ice creams and while they waited to get them Caroline turned her attention to Sam again. 

“Am I going to see you by the lake again?” She asked. 

Sam sent a glance toward his brother but nodded once. 

“Great. We’ll be there this weekend. Come see us, okay?” She grinned and Castiel watched the way Sam struggled with his blush. 

“Sounds good. I’ll be there.” He said. 

After they had gotten their ice Dean put an arm over Sam’s shoulder. 

“Sound’s good. I’ll be there.” Dean imitated a higher voice and laughed loud when Sam punched him in his ribs. 

“It’s good, Sammy, real good. Maybe you can build up the courage to kiss her this time, huh?” Dean teased and Sam really wanted to play unaffected but blushed again at that thought. 

“Shut up, Dean.” He said and shook his arm off. 

They sat down on a bench in what looked to be a park of some kind. People were lounging in the grass, eating ice cream, playing games, talking to their friends. 

Castiel stared at his ice cream and after watching what Sam and Dean did, he lifted it to his lips and tentatively poked his tongue out to taste the cold and velvety stuff. He wasn’t sure what it tasted at first but it felt good and creamy on his tongue. He turned the ice cream around and tried another taste of the green stuff. It had a different flavor, and Castiel soon realized he absolutely loved the cold cream that melted in his mouth. 

“You okay there?” Dean asked and Castiel looked up to find both brothers staring at him with wonder in their eyes. He looked down at the ice again and smiled. 

“It tastes really good. Thank you, Dean.” He said. 

Both of them laughed when he licked the ice cream again. Castiel was too busy deciding a favorite between the flavors to care if they laughed at him for some reason. 

Sam insisted on showing Castiel around in town and that’s how he learned all of Sam and Dean’s favorite places to go. Some were restaurants that sold pizza and beers, others were joints that gave you fast and cheap burgers through a window or even a little one only for candy. Castiel was shown the library, where Dean refused to go inside on a sunny day like this. Then there was the bowling hall where Sam eagerly told him about a game he didn’t understand, and how Dean liked to take his dates so he could pull them down into his lap and feel them up. Sam snorted at that and Dean just shrugged his shoulders with a smirk that reminded Castiel of Gabriel for a moment. 

The thought of his brother distracted Castiel on his way home. His crazy brother, what could he be doing now? They had probably given up looking for him and since Castiel never had been a very important piece of their destiny then his family wouldn’t spend too much time waiting for his return. 

Castiel felt a little sad at that. How easily the lives of his family had to go on. He knew how things worked. They were easily replaced, everyone except the few with a clear and important future. Someone like Lucifer and Michael. Castiel had no real understanding of what exactly their future was holding, but it was important enough that they would have a special place in their nest. 

Sam kept sending Castiel concerned looks as they got closer to the house so Castiel tried to pick up his mood to avoid questions. Bobby had made food as they came back and Castiel got a chance to zone out a bit while Sam told him all about their little trip with his mouth filled with food. Castiel had to smile at that as he was reminded of his brother again. Gabriel had no regards of manners and he was almost always cheery like this. 

 

Castiel still enjoyed sitting by the window watching the yard and Dean. He could read a book in a flash and he started thinking about this earth he was stuck on. Castiel wasn’t ready to admit he might have to stay here forever. He was sure he could find a way home. Only he had no idea where to start. He was too young to have any experiences tracking someone down. Bobby had an arsenal of books that might be of help, and his work methods seemed to pay off so Castiel decided that whenever he got a chance he should try that kind of research. 

Sam came into his room from time to time. The boy usually flopped down on the bed staring into the roof while he talked about his day, and the fact that they soon would have to go since their father would come back for them. 

Sam never said it, but Castiel got the sense that the relationship between father and sons could be difficult sometimes. 

“He’s working really hard. I wish I had that kind of purpose in my life.” Sam said one afternoon. It was searing hot inside, but as always Castiel sat in the window soaking up the rays. Sam were lying completely still in the bed, only wearing a pair of shorts. 

“Like what?” Castiel asked with only one side turning toward the boy. They talked best like that. 

“Like… knowing why we do what we do. I mean, I know why, but I still don’t know why!” Sam huffed and Castiel filed this under one of those conversations he didn’t understand. 

“You mean hunting?” Castiel asked. 

“Why do we have to run all over the country? Going into new schools multiple times a year, and still feeling like we’re nowhere close to catching the damn demon.” Sam was about to work himself up. He tended to do that sometimes. Talk himself into being angry. Castiel didn’t feel comfortable whenever that happened so he turned around on the desk almost sighing at the feeling of sun on his back. 

“Do you want to catch the demon?”

Sam turned his head a little to look at Castiel. 

“It killed my mum when I was a baby.” He whispered after a long pause and Castiel fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Nobody had mentioned this before. He hadn’t known why John was alone with the boys and he hadn’t thought much about it. This place was strange like that. Where Castiel came from the mother was the one to be with the kids. Maybe things weren’t as they seemed like they were. 

“I’m sorry.” Castiel told him sincerely. 

“Yeah, well… I know our dad tries his best, but… he get really caught up sometimes. Obsessed almost.” Sam admitted in a low voice. Castiel read a sadness in Sam’s features that was often hidden behind his cheery self and he felt bad for the kid. Having to run around feeling like he should want revenge on the demon, but didn’t feel it as strong as the rest of his family. 

Sam sat up on the bed with a sigh. 

“Will you come with us to the lake after dinner?” He asked and once again Castiel felt trapped. He was as usual afraid of what he was going towards, but his warm protective feelings towards Sam made him want to please the boy so he nodded and smiled just a little when Sam jumped up from the bed with a laugh. 

“Great! I’ll find you something to wear.” And he was out of his room and Castiel was left to wonder what he got himself into. 

Sam pushed a pair or blue shorts in Castiel’s direction once the dinner was done. Dean couldn’t hide a little grin over his brother’s eagerness and he folded his arms over his chest, staring at Castiel with expectation. Castiel had never worn anything other than long jeans and t-shirt while he was there no matter how hot the day was. He watched the piece of clothing and huffed a breath as he walked into the bathroom to change. Sam and Dean was already wearing their shorts so Castiel changed in a hurry before stepping back into the kitchen. 

“Great, now we can go!” Sam announced. Pulled on a backpack that Castiel knew was filled with books, towels, water and snacks and headed for the door. Dean on the other hand let his eyes run over Castiel’s naked legs before he abruptly turned around and headed out the door after his brother.


	5. A friend in you

Castiel heard laughter and splashing before he saw the lake. Sam was about to run for it when they got closer and Dean couldn’t help but laugh at his younger brother. 

The kids by the lake was mostly around Sam’s age, but there were a few closer to Dean and his own age. Not that Castiel was any good at communicating with strangers. He kept close to Dean and hoped he wouldn’t find it annoying. 

Sam headed over to meet with the girl he had talked to on the market and Castiel watched as he talked easily with her. How she laughed and touched his arm when he said something funny. Castiel sat down and dug through the bag to find a book. Dean gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Don’t you want to swim before you get buried in that book?” He asked and Castiel looked between the water and Dean. Eventually he got up and walked over the warm sand on his bare feet. Castiel felt weird like this, naked. Usually if he ever took off his shirt he had his wings to cover his body with. Here he couldn’t do that. 

Dean didn’t wait for him. Instead he walked straight into the clear water and dipped under. Castiel watched him as he came back up. His strong muscled body gleaming as the water dripped off of him. Castiel took a tentative step and was a little surprised at how comfortable the water felt. Pleased he took another step and another, until there was just a few more steps between him and Dean. 

A ball suddenly came flying through the air and normally Castiel would have been able to notice it before it hit. Normally his hyperaware senses would have picked it up before it was too late. Castiel was busy being in the water and maybe a little confused at the way the sight of Dean was distracting him. 

As it was the ball hit him in the side of Castiel’s head with a force that caused him to lose his balance and topple over into the water. He was immediately surrounded and there was a bubbling sound everywhere but other than that everything was quiet. He felt trapped like he had inside the clouds and his heart started pounding desperately. The water felt like it was clinging to him just like the clouds and he could practically hear the silence he had been so terrified of. Castiel’s feet finally found contact at the bottom of the lake and he tried standing up, glad when his body was hit with warm rays from the sun once again. He was gasping for air and spitting water. He knew his eyes had to look desperate as he found Dean’s eyes. Dean was laughing, but something changed in his eyes when he saw the scared expression in Castiel’s face. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Castiel’s arm. 

“Hey, man, you okay?”

“What?” Castiel asked and pushed a shaking hand through his hair. 

“What happened?” Dean asked and shook his arm a little. 

“I… uh… nothing. I think I swallowed water.” Castiel rasped feeling a little surprised at Dean’s concern. 

“Well, I’d say you freaked out a little. Let’s get you out of the water.” He said and gave Castiel a push towards the shore. Castiel let Dean lead him back to their place up in the grass and sat down when Dean ordered him to. Dean made sure he was doing okay before he headed over to some people he obviously knew. Castiel wondered for a moment what Dean told them about him, but he shook it off and grabbed a book to try and distract himself from the flashback to the clouds. 

When Sam and Dean went to the lake they obviously intended on staying there the entire day. Around lunch-time Dean came over with a couple of beers, a burger along with some of his friends. Castiel was introduced to them but they mostly left him alone. He didn’t speak much to them and instead he observed how easily Dean chatted with everyone in the group. He flirted with the girls and they were openly enjoying the attention. 

Castiel was impressed by the way Dean would let a hand linger on a girl’s waist or give her his most intimate smile. It made his stomach jump a little even if he wasn’t sure why. 

After a while someone found a ball and Dean dragged Castiel into the game. The point was just to pass it to someone in the circle and don’t let the ball hit the ground. Castiel could do that. He had good reflexes and a great vision. After a while Dean seemed a little impressed about Castiel’s reflexes so he tried to make it harder for him by tossing the ball like it was just out of reach and making it spin hard so he wouldn’t catch it. He did though and Dean grinned. 

“Damn, Cas, who would have thought you’d be good at this after falling over earlier?” Dean said and gave him a little nudge in a shoulder. Castiel stared at him, his head spinning from the wide grin, the nickname and the fond little push. 

Castiel never was one for nicknames and the only one he ever got was ‘Cassie’ which Balthazar and Lucifer loved to use just because it was annoying their younger brother. This though, was a nickname from a friend. From someone who spent enough time with him to actually make it. 

When Dean started staring at him Castiel hurried back to the game, trying to act natural. At the same time his head was still spinning and his heart jumping in a way he didn’t understand.

***

On the walk back to the house Dean made Sam blush when he replayed the kiss he’d shared with Caroline. Both Cas and Dean had seen it happen and Sam was proud as a peacock when he staggered towards them after. Dean made a point of teasing him about it and Sam was giddy and squirming in his brother’s hold around his shoulders. 

“Well, you should have seen Cas back there. Nobody stood a chance against him in the game.” Dean insisted and Sam stared between his brother and Cas. 

“Cas?”

Dean shrugged his shoulders with a smile and Sam smiled up at his brother with a warm expression. 

“Nobody? Not even you?” Sam asked and Dean pushed him away. 

“Of course I could handle it.” Dean said smugly and Cas wanted to smile at that, because Dean had really great reflexes, but truth be told, it was hard for a human to keep up with an angelic being like himself. Not that he would tell them that.

Dean sent a glance in Cas direction, and for some reason Cas didn’t give him away. Sam might believe his brother or maybe not. At least Dean got to have this, to be the strong and proud one in his brother’s world. 

 

Some things changed after that day. Not big changes, but subtle hints that Dean was starting to accept Cas for more than just the creature living at Bobby’s house. 

Cas still found himself sitting on the desk pretending to be reading a book while Dean was outside working on the cars. Sam still came into his room lying on his barely used bed, talking about this and that. Other days Cas dared to go outside and sit on the hood of a car next to Dean, watch him work, soak up the sun and other times he’d actually read his book. 

Dean kept the radio playing and pushed under a car and Cas listened to his soft grunts whenever he tried to loosen a screw or huffs when oil dripped in his face. Mostly he complained about the heat and asked how Cas could be sitting out in the burning sun like that. 

“It’s good for me.” Cas said. 

“Yeah? Good for you to get your skin burned?” Dean asked doubtfully. 

“My skin will not get burned.” Cas told him. Dean would huff and shake his head while he picked up a rag to dry his forehead. 

“You’re seriously strange.”

“It’s my wings, they crave the touch of the sun.” Cas said quietly and Dean stopped to stare at him. 

“Really? How come?” Dean took a step in his direction like he wanted to see if he could make the wings appear if he got closer. 

Cas looked down at his hands. They hadn’t talked much about themselves, whatever tentative friendship had started to form between them, Cas was sure it wouldn’t take much to ruin it. Dean was protective of himself like that. 

“Uh… There is majorly two reasons. It’s kind of like fuel. They grow stronger under the sun.” Cas told him. 

“Cool. What if it’s winter?”

“What do you mean?” Cas tilted his head. 

“You know, winter, snow, cold all the time and no sun?” Dean gestured with his hands. 

“I… wouldn’t know.” Cas said a little confused. 

“What? You mean to say you’ve never seen the winter?” 

Cas shrugged his shoulders a little, something he was sure he’d never done before meeting with the Winchester brothers. 

“I will not say that, but where I come from we do not have snow or a day without sun.” Cas was a little confused at that, but Dean was staring in surprise. 

“Not a day without-? I… wow, don’t know if I’m gonna ask.” Dean said with a long breath. 

“So… What about the second thing with the sun, then?” Dean asked after he figured he couldn’t keep staring at Cas. 

Cas ducked his head and a slight blush crept into his face. 

“No, no, no, if you’ve got something to say you say it.” Dean said with a little laugh when Cas started to get up. Cas looked at him with wide eyes and Dean stood in front of him, closer than usual as Cas took in a breath. Dean smelled of oil and sweat and somewhere in there was a mix of a deeper scent that had to be just Dean. 

“It is… about our appearance.” Cas told him and it only took Dean a second to bark out a laugh, just as Cas had imagined he would. 

“Really? You really care about the way you look then? Could have fooled me.” Dean said as he sent a glance to the pair of jeans with holes on the knees that Cas was wearing. Cas sighed. 

“Well, my wings are a part of me, and I want others to look at them. So for someone to do that I have to keep them properly groomed.” Cas said with a bit of tension in his voice. Dean’s face changed from laughter to something more serious. 

“You mean like to attract a mate?”

Cas glanced at Dean, but there was no mockery in his face like he would have believed. It was more like he was genuinely curious, but he still found it a little fun though, Cas realized that. 

“Yes, or just to feel good about oneself.” Cas said. 

Dean still didn’t seem like he wanted to let go of the fun in it, but he eventually stepped back with a shrug. 

“Fine. Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves once in a while?” He said before heading back to his work. 

So it was little things like that which made Cas come out more. He started talking more to Dean and he was around the house instead of being inside his room. Sometimes he even dared asking Sam or Dean a little about the research they did and how they went about it. 

Bobby and Sam left into town one morning after breakfast while Dean headed outside as usual. Sam had been eager for a chance to see Caroline again and Bobby already had stuff to do in town and asked Sam to just get in his car and stop dancing around. 

Cas walked out after a while. He had heard Bobby talk about how the weather would change soon so he decided to take advantage of the warm as while he had the chance. Not that Cas really understood that, because back home they went by the same kind of weather all the time. It was sunshine and hot. Once in a while there was rain, of course there was because you need water to live but apart from that, the weather was really nice. 

After sitting on the hood of one of the car, holding on to some of the tools Dean was using and listening to him talk about how he wanted to fix up an entire car one day Cas stretched. His entire body practically glowed with the sunshine he was soaking up. 

“Dean, I want to stretch my wings so I think I will find somewhere you won’t get distracted.” He muttered and Dean stood up in a flash and stared with bright eyes. 

“What? You are going to fly?” Dean uttered the last word almost in a whisper. Cas shook his head with furrowed brows. 

“No, I wanted to stretch them.” Cas told him again and Dean huffed as he rubbed his neck with a greasy hand. He swore under his breath but cleared his voice. 

“I...uh. I don’t mind. You can still sit here if you want, Cas.” Dean said.

For a moment they watched each other quietly before Cas sat back down on the hood of the car across from Dean. He took his shirt off suddenly feeling a little shy, but Dean looked like that too. He seemed like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to watch Cas or not, so his eyes flickered back and forth between Cas and the ground. 

Cas closed his eyes and let the feeling of power run through him. His wings felt heavy in a familiar way and he sighed content as the sun beamed down on them. The sound of a heavy breath exhaling made Cas look up and Dean was staring at his wings standing tall behind him. 

“Dean?” Cas asked after a while. 

“Uh… Sorry… it’s just… I don’t really seem to get used to them, is all.” Dean said hurriedly and turned his back to Cas, but then he changed his mind again and faced him. 

“Is that a bad thing?”

“What? I don’t’ know!” Dean huffed. “It’s… they are really… big and… shiny.” He settled on and Cas felt the feathers puff out a little at the compliment. Even though he wasn’t sure if that’s what Dean intended it to be. 

“You think so? I try to keep them clean.” Cas said and Dean cleared his voice but didn’t answer. 

“So your brothers, do they have black wings too?” Dean asked suddenly. 

“No. They have different colors. Gabriel’s are looking like bronze when the sun hits them. And Balthazar’s… well, I don’t know, they are almost red sometimes.” Cas sighed. 

“Huh.” Dean looked stunned so Cas stopped at that. He wasn’t going to say too much. Instead he ruffled his wings a little and took a deep breath. 

Dean went back to work for a while before they walked to the back of Bobby’s yard and found a small river running past. Dean sat down and Cas did too. 

“Our dad’s coming tomorrow.” Dean announced when neither had said something for a long while. Cas turned to look at him. Dean shrugged his shoulders. 

“I was so mad at him for dropping us off here, leaving me behind for the entire summer and now…” Dean shook his head and Cas leaned forward a little to look at him. 

“And now what?” Cas asked. 

“And now I don’t know anymore.” Dean lifted his hand into the air before letting them drop back into his lap. 

Cas had a large file somewhere in his mind where he put things he didn’t understand. Being around the Winchester boys had filled it up really fast. And to this, Cas didn’t know what to say. So they would be leaving was that it?

“Are you going away again?” Cas asked and Dean nodded slowly. 

“Yes. We never stay here with dad. He and Bobby can’t be under the same roof for more than six hours before they start yelling or shooting.” Dean muttered. 

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere with a job. Sammy’s got school too.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon there amongst the trees and the little stream of water. They spoke of things that Cas would talk to with his brothers and things suddenly seemed normal. When had this crazy place become normal to him? 

 

Bobby made dinner before John arrived and Cas quietly cleared the stairs of stuff before he got back into his room. He heard the car roll up outside and watched a tall grinning man with graying at his temples walk confidently around the car. He was wearing a brown old leather jacket and jeans just as worn as the jacket. 

“Boys.” He said and his voice practically brimmed with warm feelings. Dean stood apprehensively at the top of the stairs while Sam was smiling just as bright as his father. John gave his youngest a hug while his oldest got a slap on the back. 

Walking into the house Cas watched that little family and his heart was aching for something he couldn’t really fathom. They had lost the important mother figure in their lives and had been lost ever since, still their father clearly loved them. Only, it was difficult to raise two sons in a life like he did. Cas felt uneasy with the feeling in his chest that told him life wouldn’t stop being difficult for the boys, even with how hard they tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've become sick and don't know when things will change to the better so it might be some time until the next chapter. I don't know how much you enjoyed this story, but I want to finish it. It might just be a little while longer than I thought. So to those of you reading it, thanks and I will try and get it done somehow :)
> 
> xx Till next time


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